8 Things Men Look for in a Woman

Whether you’re getting to know someone, are in a relationship or have been married for 50 years, men are truly simple creatures and what they look for in their women is pretty straightforward.

I’m a proud feminist so when I say women tend to over complicate things; I’m not taking any sides, I’m just speaking my truth.

Here are 8 things most strong men look for in a woman and surprise surprise, it’s not a 20-something-year-old with platinum blonde hair.

1. Intelligence

Beauty may be dangerous but intelligence is lethal.

Popular claims like ‘men prefer women who are not as smart as them’ get confused in translation.  For one, let’s address the fact that there is more than just one type of intelligence.  Intelligence doesn’t only come in the form of ‘book-smarts’, your career or how many degrees you have.  Intelligence can be found in the way you communicate, make decisions and handle situations.

If you’re a successful researcher in a field of science or have many advanced degrees – that’s great for you! This doesn’t mean you overload your partner with ‘matter-of-fact’ information or conversations because this can actually be counterproductive and ultimately, a turn-off.  It can come across as you thinking you’re better than him.

Intelligence is always attractive and it’s without a doubt extremely important.  There’s always a way to show your partner that you’re intelligent and have him appreciate it, genuinely.

When men look for what they want in a woman for a long-term relationship, they look for someone who they can hold a conversation and exchange ideas with.  You can show your intelligence through, for example, having opinions and stands on what’s going on in the world, making perfectly rational choices when it comes to cross-roads and being able to think for yourself.

So don’t think twice about reading your books and continuously gaining more knowledge – life is about constant self-development – just avoid coming across as a ‘know-it-all’.

Since she’s smarter than me, the only way we resolve anything is by arm wrestling. That is my only chance of winning anything with her because if it’s an intellectual battle, I would lose. She’s the smart one in the family. – George Clooney on Amal Alamuddin

2. Mystery

Men being men, love the chase and the mystery that comes with it.

This is also human psychology.

The less you know, the more curious you’ll get.

Men love to ‘decode’ and read women and once interested, other women in comparison seem plain and ordinary.

If you reveal too much about yourself in the first couple of meetings, what’s left for him to find out?

According to Psychology Today, it’s common knowledge that ‘people like people who like them. This is one of the most replicated findings in all of social psychology. But people also like people who might like them. This is one of the most well known principles of seduction.’

Since men love to chase, mysterious women become a challenge and it gives them a ‘kick’ out of it.  The unpredictability is extremely exciting to some.  Women who only reveal a little bit of themselves at a time are the ones who can keep them interested longer.

However, there’s a balance that needs to accompany the mysterious act.  If you go too far, it can make him feel unsafe around you and emotionally disconnected.

Always remember that everything in moderation blossoms.

The essence of romance is uncertainty. – Oscar Wilde

3. Respect

 

A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter – is not a nice person.

Respect comes in a lot of different ways.

The way you talk and carry yourself, the things you do, the way you treat others is all a reflection of the amount of respect you have for yourself and others.

If you use foul language commonly, throw temper tantrums on the littlest things and lack consideration for other people’s feelings – you won’t be considered very mature and therefore, not get much respect.

Moreover, men look for women who they find pride in when introducing them to their friends and family. If you’re not a respectful woman, he probably won’t be too willing to go through with that idea.

Establish your boundaries, your values and the kind of woman you aspire to be and he will respect you for it.

 4. Affection

 

The most desired gift of love is not diamonds, roses or chocolates.

It’s focused attention.

Men aren’t as in tune with their emotions as much as women and that’s one of the reasons why they crave an affectionate, emotional connection with the woman they’re with.

Men love being nurtured and given attention to. For them, this is a sign of femininity and makes them feel more masculine.

By being positive and uplifting, you’re creating a loving space that men truly appreciate more than you’d think.

Surprisingly, according to an article in the Daily Mail, more than 1,000 couples who had been together for an average of 25 years were questioned by scientists for the sake of the study.  Results showed that frequent kissing or cuddling predicted happiness in the relationship for men more than women.

Doing things that show you care like simple hugs, kind words and appreciation are surprisingly underrated. Men are simple – just like anyone else who would need attention and care!

While I was singing and dancing and playing piano and having one of the best experiences I’ve ever had on a film, my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second, and trying to help her brother fight his battle with cancer. If she hadn’t taken all that on so I could have this experience, it would surely be someone else up here. Sweetheart, thank you. – Ryan Gosling on Eva Mendes

 5. Ambition

 

There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.

Contrary to popular belief, ambition attracts ambition.  It’s unfortunate how many women believe that men don’t appreciate or want successful, intelligent or ambitious women.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

From a psychological viewpoint, we’re more drawn towards people who resemble us and who we want to be. When a man is around an ambitious woman, it would make him want to be a better version of himself, too.  This can motivate him and make him see you as a positive influence in his life. Energy – whatever form – is surprisingly contagious and there’s no relationship better than when two people better each other.

Again, similar to men liking intelligent women, there’s a balance that comes with being able to be ambitious and vulnerable depending on the situation.  An ambitious woman recognizes when and where it’s required and is still able to put her guard down towards her partner because too much of something can come across as aggressive and overwhelming.

I’ve got to say, I always found it great if she was making all kinds of money. I didn’t feel threatened by it at all. – Barack Obama on Michelle Obama

 6. Confidence

Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful without needing someone to tell you and if you can’t love and appreciate yourself – no one else will.

A lot of women deny compliments from their partners, insist on their negatives, don’t take care of themselves, lack self-esteem and continuously compare.

All of these factors don’t contribute towards anything except towards the destruction of a relationship.

Negativity and a lack of self-confidence can become extremely toxic for someone that’s around you often

There’s always someone who’s going to be better looking and smarter than you. Not being able to accept that can cause insecurities to play on the mind. This results in jealousy, anger, self-hate, demotivation and irritability to yourself and others around you.

Sometimes, women don’t even realize that they’re doing it.

For example, if your husband pays you a compliment that you look amazing in that dress and you reply with,

No you’re lying, I gained too much weight.’

you’re actually demotivating him from paying you any compliments at all the next time. When your negativity clouds you, it leaves others around you feeling frustrated and unheard.

Practice self-love through whatever means suits you best.

Whether it’s going to a self-development class, going to the spa, getting your nails or hair done or even going out shopping for a new outfit.

Take charge of your life to build your self-confidence and love towards yourself. You can never depend on others for your happiness.

It’s not a turnoff, but it’s upsetting to me when a woman has lost her confidence. I genuinely think that all women are beautiful in a different way. We live in such a critical world, and for women the bar has been set high, but they should really just grab that bar and snap it. It doesn’t mean anything. – Alex Pettyfer

 7. Humility

I truly believe that no relationship can work without humility.

There’s never one person who’s always ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’.

I’ll even go a step further and say that having humility is also a form of confidence.

It shows that you’re accepting of being able to make mistakes and are willing to learn from them.

If anything, men love women who have humility.  It even brings out respect for the person and it allows the man to feel like he has been heard.

Not being able to admit when you’re wrong is actually a sign of weakness and not strength.  Furthermore, if you’re always ‘right’ whenever there’s a discussion, it plays on the man’s confidence because they’re always put down if something goes wrong.

Lack of humility is unfortunately very common when it comes to the way women are in relationships.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. – C.S. Lewis

8. Friendly and Sociable

 

Don’t wait for people to be friendly – show them how.

Be the type of person you’d want to meet.

Men love women who know how to be friendly and social for whenever they go out together.  Be open to new people, get ready to talk and connect and be yourself instead of just sitting there attached to his arm.  Being friendly is also important because no man wants to be with a woman who he has to worry about giving attitude to his friends or family.

If you’re antisocial and not very talkative, it won’t give a very good impression and people are less likely to even want to be around you.

A study conducted in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that men were attracted to women who are nice and sweet.

Through experiments which monitored sexual interest and participants’ feeling on potentially long-term dating, calling it ‘responsiveness’. it further found that men who perceived female partners as nice and friendly found them to be “more feminine and more attractive”.

Past studies conducted suggests that this is due to friendliness and niceness being associated with higher estrogen levels.

A man wants to be proud to call you his partner when he sees that you’re able to make new friends and welcome them with warmth – they find hospitable women more feminine and attractive.

This also shows that you’re a team player towards him and that you have the ability to be family oriented.

Conclusion:

Men get commonly labeled as superficial at times because of the way their brains are wired – for example, that they care a lot about the way a woman looks and that they’re less emotionally attached as women, etcetera.

However, as mentioned before, men are surprisingly very simple people and what they truly look for in women is actually beyond just that.

There are many other factors that actually attract a good man, such as personality, dressing style, the way someone carries themselves, the feminine attitude and all the additional factors mentioned above are simple examples of what most strong men look for in women.

What do you guys think?

How to Attract Your Dream Man

I’m no Matthew Hussey (dating coach)—but I do like to think of myself as some-what knowledgeable on certain aspects of dating and relationships. I’ve had to kiss my fair share of frogs before I found “the one”. Everyone’s dream man is different, but I’ve got experience under my belt of the basics of what to do and what not to do.

Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil – Unknown

1. Be Sure of Who You Are & What You Want

 

Honestly!

So many times, I’ve witnessed women settling in fear of losing someone.  I get it, being alone can be scary at first, plus the thought of cutting off the person you love seems heart-breaking.

Let me give you the cold hard truth:

If you, yourself don’t have standards for yourself then no one else is going to either.

Trust me, in the long run, you’re so much better off being single than being in a relationship based off negativity or toxicity.

Know what you deserve and don’t ever settle for anything less.

One way to manifest meeting your dream man, get a blank piece of paper out, write down (in detail) every attribute that you want in a man.

Be extremely honest, and write down the things you just aren’t willing to compromise on.  Keep note that your list can change over time because everyone evolves and not everything’s set in stone.

2. Establish Your Values

You’re most likely going to attract someone of the same nature as you, so try and establish who you would want to be as a person.  What kind of values do you want to abide by, the kind of people you want to surround yourself with and what your boundaries and standards are.

Once you’ve got that in-check, it would be easy to figure out if someone’s ‘the one‘ for you or not because it won’t be easy for you to get swayed the other way.

3. Balance

 

Learn to be a well-rounded person. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, a lot of people get too comfortable and sometimes, comfort is the enemy of growth.

For example, learn to have fun with yourself and be able to give yourself space and time.  Don’t be too clingy. I strongly believe that success equals balance.

Once you’re happy in all aspects of life whether it’s finances, work, friends or family, that’s when you can allow someone else to come into it to enjoy it with you.

Everything in moderation is key to being the best version of you, which would essentially attract the right person.

4. Understand That All Good Things Take Time, and Patience

 

Patience.

That word doesn’t fit well in today’s society where we tend to run after things that give them immediate gratification. Being in a relationship isn’t all butterflies and rainbows.

The grass may look greener on the other side at times, but that’s because some actually bother watering it. Learn to be someone who knows how to pick their battles and compromise where it’s worth it and communicate effectively with respect.

These things aren’t something that usually comes naturally, and when it does, it takes time and effort to maintain it.

So, before getting into anything it’s worth asking yourself if you’re truly ready for that kind of a commitment.

Furthermore, nowadays, statistics show that women are waiting longer to get married—so don’t be in a rush!

A news report in Virginia sponsored by the National Marriage Project called “Knot Yet” reports that,

One of the major demographic and social changes of the last four decades has been the dramatic increase in the average age at which Americans first marry, from their early 20’s in 1970 to their late 20s today. Delayed marriage in America has helped to bring the divorce rate down since 1980 and increased the economic fortunes of educated women.

Trust me on this, there’s more to life than rushing into marriage.

Yes—the idea may be dreamy, but marriage is difficult and getting used to being alone is very important.

Invest time into becoming a better you and just have patience! Plus, desperation isn’t attractive and trust me, it shows.

5. Looks Aren’t Everything, But They Matter

 

This doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone cares about looks, and beauty comes in different shapes, sizes, shades and personalities.

Men are known to be more visual than women, so it doesn’t hurt to enhance your appearance. Take care of yourself, put a little makeup once in a while, style your hair and try wearing something a little flirtier.

Appearance does make an impression, so why not check that box if you can!

6. Don’t Be Scared to Show Your Femininity!

 

It’s great to be a strong woman with a mind state that expresses independence.  I’ve noticed some women don’t like to show their vulnerable side out of fear that it would make them looks weak.

Tony Robinson talks about the law of attraction and power of polarity of masculine and feminine energy and claims,

The main law of attraction works like this: the more opposed the sexual energies between two people are – masculine vs. feminine energy – the stronger the attraction will be in the relationship

This is because if two people have a similar polarity, the attraction will be diminished.

In essence, don’t be scared to show off your femininity. A strong woman will always want to do things herself. However, a stronger woman knows she can do it herself, but accepts help anyway. Make the man feel like a man.

7. Smile!

 

It’s your best accessory.

You would be shocked to know that there are a surprising number of case studies and research dedicated to the psychology behind smiling! There’s a deep evolutionary connection with smiling.

For one, it portrays that you’re not a threat, that you’re carefree, outgoing, nice and approachable!

Read my recent article on the power of smiling here.

To Tie it Altogether

There’s no hidden ‘secret‘ to attracting your dream man.  Plus, life is something that’s so unexpected; you never know what’s around the corner.

Be the best version of yourself for when it does happen and don’t forget to have fun and enjoy the ride!

How to Make a Killer First Impression

Did you know that the moment you meet someone new, they’ve already made an impression about you?  It just takes one tenth of a second.  Everyone judges, consciously or subconsciously – it’s human nature and uncontrollable.  It’s just the way our minds work.

I’ll give you some time to take that in.

Done?

I’m sure you realized the extreme importance of making a lasting and killer first impression and I’m going to show you 5 of ways how:

1. Dress to Impress

Take the time to put in thought and effort into your dressing.  Make sure your clothes are ironed and clean because you think we don’t notice – but we do.  More so, be aware and appropriate of how you’re dressing and for what.  For example, if you’re going into a business meeting, don’t wear short skirts that rise above the knee or wear a shirt that could potentially be showing your cleavage.

It’s not a good look.

Be appropriate and conscious of the message you want to send out to your boss and coworkers.

The colors you have different psychological effects on how other people perceive you too.  For example wearing red expresses power, black represents formal and blue shows that you’re a team player.

Check out my article here on power dressing.

2. Show Confidence

This doesn’t mean be arrogant or egoistic because that can switch people off quicker than you think.

It means be confident in the sense where you’re comfortable in your skin.

Show other people that you’re not nervous and that you’re perfectly content with yourself in the current situation.  It makes you look more approachable and reliable as well, it exudes responsible traits and in return.

If you’re not a very confident person, being conscious of all these things will psychologically start making you actually feel it.

A great way to show confidence is through smiling. Smiling is welcoming, makes the other person feel comfortable and portrays you as someone who is trustworthy.

I’ve recently written an article on the power of a smile and it’s incredible the effects that it can have on someone.

3. Be Conscious About Your Body Language

Similarly to confidence, make sure you’re conscious of your body posture as it speaks for itself.  The way you walk and hold your back can show confidence and gives off an authoritative vibe to others.

One example of this is keeping your shoulders square when you’re talking to someone new which makes you look natural and relaxed.

Avoid fidgeting as it shows that you’re either nervous or intimidated which will subconsciously and naturally give the other person a feel of power over you.

Another important aspect to remember is to keep eye contact when you’re talking to someone.  Be conscious about if you’re focused on the other person and what they’re saying but at the same time don’t make it look like you’re staring.

Match your eye contact with your overall facial expression.

4. Have the Perfect Handshake

Your handshake can say it all.

A lot of people aren’t conscious about their handshake but it’s surprisingly important aspect of making a first impression.

You may think that because it’s subtle it has little effect but in reality and psychologically, having a firm handshake shows strong character and portrays strength enhancing positive feelings in the other person.

According to Dr. Douglas Fields in an article called ‘The Power of a Handshake’, non-verbal and physical touch allows our mind to tap into the other person’s mind,

This communication through touch and body language conveys vital information through a rich unconscious and universal language that transcends spoken language.

Take politicians as an example, they exude power and all their campaigns and meetings start and end with a strong handshake.

5. Be Culturally Aware

Let’s take it a step further. In our globalized world today, we have the privilege of meeting people from all around the world.  It’s important to educate ourselves in being aware of other people’s traditions and cultures.

First impressions can differ greatly based on who you’re meeting.  Furthermore, when you’re culturally aware, the other person highly appreciates the fact that you took the time to actually familiarize yourself with their traditions – and that leaves a great impression.

Some examples of this is how in the West, a strong handshake symbolizes strength and authority while in some African cultures, a weaker handshake expresses the same message.

Another example is of if you’re in an Islamic country where there different culture to the West, men have to be aware about not giving out their hand first and instead waiting for the woman to initiate as some cultures are more conservative.

Bringing It Altogether,

In essence, body language and gestures can easily tell a person a lot about someone’s character.  When you make a first impression, that sticks with the other person and for the time that they talk to you, subconsciously, they keep trying to justify why they made that first impression through the way you carry yourself in the conversation.

Being conscious about your body, your words and your thoughts while expressing confidence can help you greatly in making a killer first impression.

There are no second chances in making a first impression.

5 Ways Smart People Deal With Difficult People

We all face difficult people. While some come across them every now and again, the unlucky ones have to deal with them on a daily basis whether it’s in the workplace or at home. It can be pretty easy to lose your calm and cool because difficult people can be very challenging to deal with. At times, it can go as far as affecting our perfectly good day.

I’m going to share with you 5 effective ways on how to deal with ‘energy-drainers’.

1. Realize and Set Your Intention

 

Some people may argue that your intention doesn’t really matter as much as the outcome; however, in the big scheme of things our intentions really do matter because they color our actions.  Your intentions have a big influence on the way you act – consciously or subconsciously.

When dealing with a challenging person, stop and think to yourself about what your intention is towards them.

Is it to hurt them?

Is it to understand them?

Is it just to get the job done?

Your intentions are a great guide for your thoughts and actions and setting them can stop you from falling back into old patterns of reactions or negativity that you may have had.

Your intentions come out to be a great ‘guide’ for what you’re thinking and for how you want to act.  Once you’ve identified what kind of a response you want out of the person, it can also help you from falling back into times when you let your negativity or reactions get the better of you.

Once you pinpoint what your objective is, that’s when you can start trying different means to reach that end goal.  Depending on what it is that you’re trying to get out of them, you have to understand what makes them responsive.

2. Listen to What They Have to Say

 

A huge part of being a good communicator is knowing how to listen.

Sometimes when we’re so busy reacting, we forget to actually listen.  Once you start listening to understand instead of to just reply, you might realize that there’s a reason why they’re being the way they are.  It could be because they’re just going through a breakup, a personal family issue or even something to do with at work.

A lot of people don’t feel comfortable voicing their problems to others, and some don’t feel like they have anyone to talk to.  By putting yourself in a position of wanting to listen to what’s bothering them, you’re already helping out making the situation better.

Allowing them to share their thoughts and opinions on things can actually go a long way.  Be open to have them say their part and show a genuine interest in what they have to say through making eye contact and even going the extra mile to ask questions.

3. Pick Your Battles

 

Personally, I’d call this a skill because not a lot of people know how to do it.

Picking your battles means that not everything deserves your reaction.  Sometimes even when you think you’re right, it’s wiser to keep quiet because not all individuals who are difficult require confrontation about their behavior.

According to Psychology Today, there are two situations under which you have to make a decision on whether or not to get involved.

For example if you’re dealing with a co-worker that you don’t get along with but is a good team member, you should take the high road.  If you’re dealing with someone temporarily, it’s worth not getting involved because this person won’t have any power over you later.

4. Be Relatable

 

It may take trial and error, depending on person-to-person and the ‘degree of difficulty’, however, it’s certainly not impossible.  Everyone has a trigger point or something that just makes him or her ‘tick’.

Based on whom it is you’re dealing with, you should be able to have close idea on what’s going to make them respond.  For example, if it’s a boss, talk to them about all the progress you’re making before asking for something, if it’s a sibling, do something that they like and enjoy to get them in a better mood and so forth.

By being relatable, you’re creating a genuine connection between yourself and the other person and you bring out the other person’s want to connect with you, too.

It creates a common ground for people between each other and makes others feel like they’re not alone.  For example, have you ever felt like you were the only one but then felt a genuine connection towards someone who shared a similar experience or opinion?

That’s what I mean.

5. Set Consequences

 

The last resort is to set consequences for their actions.  Respond with your actions rather than trying to discuss and talk out your problems.  Being able to assert consequences for others’ actions requires a lot of confidence and patience.

Similar to what you do with children, setting consequences can be a necessary response to unacceptable behavior.  People are more likely to repeat the behavior if you don’t draw boundaries of respect.  Drawing boundaries and sticking to them will force the other person to abide if they still want to be around you.

Above all, don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries and consequences.  You may feel the other person trying ways to make you feel bad for what you’re doing, for example, by trying to emotionally blackmail you and play the victim card but focus on the end result and rise above how difficult it might potentially be.

To Wrap it Up

Like I said, everyone comes across difficult people in their lives at one point or another.  It’s inevitable and that’s why it’s important to understand how we can deal with them.  Some are obnoxious, some might make you feel bad about yourself and some might actually get in the way of your growth.

Whoever they are or however they are, there is one thing they all have in common – that they have to be addressed and dealt with.